Nation Struggling To Keep Track Of How Far Along It Is In All Its Ongoing Grieving Processes

BATON ROUGE, LA—In response to the spate of shootings that have erupted across the country in recent weeks, the U.S. populace told reporters Monday it was struggling to keep track of how far along it was in all the various grieving processes it was currently going through. “It’s getting really hard to juggle all the different stages of grief I’m in—I’m pretty sure there were at least four tragedies I was trying to come to grips with yesterday when I learned about the senseless attack on police officers in Baton Rouge, which plunged me right back into the earliest stage of shock and despair,” said Gaithersburg, MD resident Katelyn Robbins, echoing the sentiment of millions of Americans who, after witnessing the slew of horrific events, have frequently had to pause to remind themselves of the extent of their emotional progress in their overlapping mourning processes. “Right now, I’m trying to finally reach some closure regarding the Orlando nightclub shooting while also still resolving my anger from last week’s Dallas massacre. And this whole time, I feel like I’ve been stalled on working through my sadness over Philando Castile’s shooting because I’ve been so busy dealing with all the new tragedies that keep popping up. Honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming trying to keep all of my feelings straight.” The nation then expressed its wish for at least a solid week without an unconscionable act of violence so it could make some headway on all its grieving, but admitted that was probably unrealistic.

Bush Says He Still Believes Iraq War Was The Fun Thing To Do

(TheOnion) - WASHINGTON—Despite harsh criticism from both sides of the political aisle, the U.S. populace, and former members of his own administration, President Bush once again defended his 2003 decision to invade Iraq, saying that, in the end, it was the fun thing to do.

"On Sept. 11, 2001, we as a nation faced a difficult decision, an important decision, a decision between what was fun and what was wrong," Bush said during a speech before Pentagon officials Wednesday. "We could have backed down and allowed the terrorists to win. But instead, we stood up to the challenge before us, and we said, 'Bring it on—bring the good times on!'"

"Mark my words," Bush continued. "When the dust settles and the smoke clears, history will look back on the Iraq War as a total blast."

Cancer Researchers: ‘Don’t Get Cancer’

theonion:

PHILADELPHIA—Calling the contraction of the disease “not good,” and saying that not having the illness is highly preferable to having it, oncologists representing the American Association for Cancer Research urged the U.S. populace Monday not to get cancer.

The panel, which consisted of medical experts at the top of their respective fields in cancer research, education, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, addressed the media for 45 minutes, saying that people’s best hope in terms of living a long, cancer-free life is to never develop cancerous cells in any part of the body, ever.

“After years of closely studying this illness and learning about how it grows and arbitrarily attacks vital organs throughout the body at an uncontrollable rate until one eventually dies, we have concluded that not having cancer is the best way to go,” said Dr. Robert Bertino, who specializes in molecular biology at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. “If you are going to contract a harmful illness, get diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, meningitis, or even Type 2 diabetes. Anything but cancer. Cancer is just the worst.”

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Mitt Romney Bad Lip Reading.

More Mitt:

Twilight In 30 Seconds (And Re-enacted By Bunnies)

The Whole Twilight Film In 30 Seconds & Re-enacted By Bunnies. What Can Be Funnier Then That?

From YouTube:

For An Added Bonus Here's (Twilight) New Moon (In 30 Seconds & Re-enacted By Bunnies)

Seriously Too Funny.

SpongeBong HempPants.

While Searching Through Spongebob Clips On YouTube, I Came Across A Strange Parody Version Of The Program, "SpongBong HempPants." Not Sure What To Make Of This -

Don't Do Drugs. Drugs Are Bad M'KAY?

Canada F**K Yeah!

Found This YouTube Video Quite Funny. It's A Canadian Themed Version Of Trey Parker's "America Fuck Yeah!" Warning - Graphic Language.  (Yes it is quite bad from the inspiration)

Who Said Canadians Were Not Awesome?

How Whites Took Over America

 Some Comic Relief - "How Whites Took Over America" (United States) Video. (And They Say Jews Is Bad! Lulz!)

 

Disclaimer - This Is For Entertainment Purposes Only.