‘It
has been far too easy to obtain people in America’ said Obama. ‘While we have
tried to limit people through immigration policies, people nakedly get round
this by simply breeding. With this unchecked proliferation of people, guns have
no trouble finding a person to fire them. Shockingly, in isolated areas people
even outnumber guns.’
Under
Obama’s people control plan, all Americans will be relocated to Canada, and all
guns will remain in the United States. ‘Without people to fire the guns, and
without people to fire guns at, shootings will completely disappear’ noted
Obama.
While
America will generally be a people-free gun reserve, guns will be able to have
occasional visitors if they obtain a concealed person permit and undertake a
training course in safely handling humans. The training course will cover
topics such as ‘the loner who still lives with their mom’ and ‘hip hop stars –
real anger or just an act?’
NRA
members are pleased that their tireless advocacy has headed off the evil of gun
control. ‘Being forced to move to Canada is a cruel and unusual punishment, but
it’s worth it to know my 183 guns are still protected under the US
Constitution’ said NRA member Jed Hicks. ‘But I will miss my guns – simple
pleasures such as ‘road rage’ will now be just hot air and empty words.’
Canadian
reaction to the plan has been generally positive on account of the expected
boost to the economy. However, the NRA argument that ‘if someone carried out a
mass killing with a baseball bat, it would be illogical to ban baseball bats’
has caused widespread alarm in the harp seal community.
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